I can scarcely believe it, but this would hardly be "Aarayan's Blog of Woe" otherwise, but I've got a fecking throat infection. How? Why?! Have I not suffered enough?
Apparently not, so just to get this karmic imbalance sorted out once and for all, I've arranged to visit a bee colony at the weekend to be ritualistically stung by many thousands of insects until near death. I will then, without applying lotion of any sort, take myself to a sandpaper factory where I will submit to be dragged around on a giant sheet of sandpaper by 3 old, smelly tractors driven by perverted, gangrenous tory MPs with B.O and trench-mouth.
After this, I will watch 10 back-to-back episodes of Emmerdale, followed by a slap-up meal of raw liver and mashed maggots.
I think that should do the trick.
Especially since I intend to tip my karmic balance all the further into the shit by eating a dominos pizza *with* starter. And wine.
Mwahahahahahaha! Just try and stop me :)