Friday, July 20, 2007

Happy Anniversary

Paul and I have been married for a year now, which seems just an impossible thing. Come tomorrow we will officially no longer be newlyweds, and you stingy bastards who haven't got us a wedding present will be too late to do so. FOR SHAME!!!

I suppose it's traditionally about this time that people tend to reflect on the year gone by and consider what they've learned. I've learned a fair bit, mostly in the last month.

I've learned that I am neither as strong nor as weak as I had hoped or feared, and I am not independent, or adventurous, or wild or anything of that sort. I'm lap-dog, not a lone wolf: I wont be travelling the world alone and sleeping in yurts or whatever it is that properly strong, independent women do.

I need company, a person to support me, reassure me, understand that I'm needy and insecure, but keep me strong and show me I'm safe. I need someone to talk to, to describe things poorly to, to be able listen to my nonsense about Orwell, the economy and tomato-shaped universes and not judge me for it, realising that it's not a sign of pathological stupidity, as it may seem.

I've learned that I need someone who reminds me that I'm beautiful and who believes that I'm worthwhile and special and unique and feels better for having seen me, and who can tell me all of those things without feeling weak.

I've learned that I need a partner who understands and supports me and never judges me and finds me lacking.

And I've learned that I have all of that, and I've learned that I have all I need.

Happy anniversary, Paul xxx

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